The day after my incident,
was the last time I saw my family for over 6 months. This dark and dank place is my home now. I have not seen or heard from any of my family since that day. It is as if what I did is unforgivable in their eyes. They don’t understand how I felt. They don’t care that that feeling has passed finally. I can finally take care of them the way a proper lady should. I still cling to these ideals, these hopes, but they are starting to slip away.
Although it is a stark contrast to my home, I am starting to get used to this place. At least it is not quiet. I cannot stand the quiet. The other women are constantly making some type of noise around me. One of the women staying here runs up and down the hallways a few times a day just screaming. I am not sure why she screams, but I can understand the sentiment. I can see from the looks of the others, they understand her as well. In fact, the noise gives me a much-needed distraction. It is less time in which to fill the spaces in my mind. We aren’t allowed much to occupy ourselves, and since some of these women are unable to speak for a variety of reasons, we don’t have many friendly conversations with each other. Those of us who have tried to speak have been silenced either from fear of repercussion or inability to maintain a conversation.
Even though we don’t speak, we empathize for each other. We all have our own version of nightmares that wake us screaming at night. Day after day, we suffer abuse I could never have imagined existed until that fine day I was secluded to this new home. We all suffer this place together. It is an unspoken bond that we have gained from our close proximity to one another and the trials we continue together.
Although my environment has drastically changed, I somehow was able to change the darkness in my mind. It may have taken months and I am unsure of how, but I am finally happy. I am happy alone, here. It is a stark contrast to my surroundings. Maybe it is because of my surroundings. I have found solace in overcoming the hardships this place has put on all of us. I have faith in myself. In my survival. You can see this in many of the eyes of the women here. Determination. I am surrounded by women determined to survive. It brings hope to my situation.
To Be Continued…