In Search of Something Super 6: Adjusting

This project is quite amazing.

It is simple yet efficient, and I know exactly where to start. It feels good to be doing what I am trained to do. I am much better at this than at the whole superhero gig, but I must keep reminding myself this is only temporary. This may be the best job I have ever had, but I am not an employee. I am only a consultant on this project, so I need to make the most of this.

I find myself engulfed in the mechanics of building and solving small issues that hours have gone by before I have even moved away from my desk. This quiet is different from what I feel when I am in disguise waiting up above. My mind is calmer. I am no longer questioning who I am, and what I can do. I know it is this. That is a very satisfying feeling. The one random thought that comes to mind is how to continue to make this happen. I have not felt this exhilarated in months.

At the end of my first day, I get in my car, mind still reeling from the day’s ideas and how to set them in motion. Heading home, I notice that it is well past seven. Quite amazed that I never even noticed how late it had gotten. I walk in the door, and all I hear is yelling. Everyone is yelling at the same time that I cannot even distinguish what they are yelling about. Abigail is covered in something white, tears streaming down her face and Lottie is yelling over Abigail’s head at my husband Jack who seems very flustered with how the evening is unfolding. Everyone is so involved in themselves, no one even notices when I enter through the door.

I take a quick look around, trying to determine the problems before jumping in the middle. Now I see that the white something on Abigail’s entire body is flour. I peek passed them down the hall into the kitchen and it looks like someone’s science experiment exploded. All the happiness I was feeling right before I walked through the door evaporated into thin air. Now keeping the job of my dreams was not the only thing I was worried about. Now I wondered how my family was going to make it without killing each other first now that I am around less. Life just keeps getting more and more complicated for me.

“Enough,” I scream to the three humans that just yesterday I would have told anyone were the best three people I know. They stopped in their fighting with each other mid-sentence and turned finally noticing that I was in the room. I could tell they were getting ready to turn their screaming match in my direction, but my face must have stopped them in their tracks. Barely audible sounds was all that came out before each of their mouths closed and their faces dropped looking at their shoes.

“I don’t care what it is going on here, but I am pretty sure you all know what I am going to say what to do next. Right?” They all stayed silent, staring at their shoes. “Right?” I prod one last time. This time they all nod their heads. Jack takes Abigail upstairs to give her a bath and get the flour out of her hair, while Lottie slinks off to the kitchen. In the new silence I ask myself, what happened to my wonderful family in just one day?

***

Both the girls are now tucked in tight in their beds for the night, after cleaning the house and themselves up leaving no trace of the mess behind. Jack walks into our bedroom looking like death. I put my book down and look up at him. He takes the cue.

“I honestly don’t know what happened Jane. Please just let it be. I don’t have it in me to get yelled at tonight,” he said adding a sigh.

“I wasn’t going to yell at you,” I reply.

He crawls into bed, choosing to bypass the nightly rituals for bed. Kissing me on the forehead he says, “You know that isn’t true, but I love that you think that. I just have no energy left to give, even in forming words for a simple sentence. I want to hear all about your first day, but tomorrow please. Love you, babe.”

And just like that his face is buried in the pillow beside me. “Okay, but this isn’t over. At least take your shoes and pants off,” I say in response to his limp body.

All I get in return from him is, “Tomorrow.” Unsure if he meant the conversation about what happened or taking off his pants, I giggle. I close my book, turn off the light, and roll over to hug Jack to fall asleep. Oh how life has changed since the kids have come into our lives, but instead of thinking of all the things we could be missing, I smile thinking about the wonderful life we have created together. No superheroing tonight. I am going to enjoy holding my husband while sleeping in our bed at the same time for the first night in months. The thought of what I have been giving up to go out at night made me think about my decisions for the first time. Maybe I need to reassess my priorities.

To Be Continued…

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