My life is spiraling.
I am so exhausted. I fall asleep as soon as my head hits my pillow at night. I chose to take a chance by quitting my job. I mean, a woman in her 30’s striving to be happy should not be such a life altering decision. Boy, was I wrong. My family is my number one priority and really my true passion in life, but I need to join the rat race in order to help feed and clothe my children, and let’s face it, my husband too. I need more in my life.
Now comes the hardest decision of my life, and one I have asked myself for a long time. What do I do with the rest of my life? I am having a bit of an identity crisis. Who am I without a career and who do I want to be with a new career path? Should that define me?
I heave a sigh and run my hand down my face. I try to refocus and feel the breeze through my hair. I am always able to calm down alone up here. It gives me time to center my thoughts. I swish my dangling legs like I am fifteen years old again, waiting for a boy to kiss me for the first time. I am definitely not a teenager anymore and waiting for any man is far beneath my feminist beliefs. But waiting? I guess I am waiting. Stuck in a proverbial loop of questioning everything I am and stand for, and to what end? I have no answer.
“Please, no, don’t do this. Take whatever you want. Just don’t make me. Please!” I hear the whispering pleas from far below me. They pull me out of my funk and back into my duty. I stand up and jump. I let myself fall for some 20 floors. I like how the freefall makes me feel. Suddenly I pull up and right myself and finishing the rest of the fall gliding down to the dark alley below.
You may be thinking, wait now what just happened. How did she just fall over 20 stories without dying? Is this woman some kind of a superhero? Well, I am not a superhero exactly. I am more Batman than Superman, except without the hair on my chest and the billions of dollars in a trust fund. If I was more like Bruce Wayne, I may not be having such an issue right now. See I am a highly educated and capable woman, who until recently worked for an innovative and competitive tech company. And while their employees create products that could save billions of people, the company does not use it for that. Like most corporations, they use their inventions for personal gain.
A few months back, I decided to change that. I kindly commandeered some of the prototypes, and started helping people to the best of my ability. It may sound totally ridiculous, but I think that may have been the start of my decision to leave. To my core, I am a good-hearted person, and the fact that the company I worked for was not actually using their inventions for good, I just could not handle it any more.
So here I am, sneaking out of the shadows of a black night to save… a group of college students in togas? Now I am the one confused. I keep my distance and use my handy, newly obtained, and integrated by me, superhero mask. With this new tech I secretly acquired before I left my job, I am able to search these college students, who are not only wearing sheets but are also a few sheets into the wind. They seem harmless enough. They just appear to be emptying the keg I see in the corner while acting out horrible scenes from some modern day take on Shakespeare. Drama kids. Just a false alarm, but at least it got me out of my head for a while.
I decide to wrap it up and get home. If I hurry, I may actually catch an hour of sleep before I have to get up and brave the day. To be quite honest, I have been playing dress up for a while now, but I do not feel I have really made any difference in the world. I am not making any more of a mark on the world now than I was when I was gainfully employed, but I guess I just have to keep trying.
To Be Continued…